Stairways to my dreams

This was a poem I read at Untitled Chapter's first event The Reading. It's also published on Untitled Chapter's website http://untitledchapters.com/2012/04/29/staircase-to-my-dreams/#more-692





I climb stairways in search of my dreams

On and on, the bannisters sway

Polished wood gleams

My lumbering steps, heavy

Clumsy as I plunge endlessly

When I haven’t even begun to climb



Glass slippers shatter

Shards piercing my skin

I bleed upon the marble floor

Your reflection, shivers

Within crimson mirrors



I fall asleep upon raven’s feathers

Burrowing into the darkness

Craving the warmth of your fire

My soul searching for yours

A hopeless kiss upon iced lips

And life breathed into me



I hold on to nothing

I hold on to everything

All my fairy tales

All my hopes

My heart barely begins

To feel full

Before it’s empty again



And, you, my desperate desire,

My incandescent weakness

Will you ever know how much of my strength

Hangs upon your selfless heart?



All my dreams

And you,

my love,

are lost

Inconceivable

Unattainable

Utterly beyond my reach

Dissipating into the morning light

The solid breadth of you

The solid breadth of you
All encompassing

Enveloping me

My weary head

Against your steady heartbeat

I love you wholeheartedly

Desire you unashamedly

With terrible possesiveness

And fervent fervent fury




I love every star in your gentle sky

Every wave in your rolling seas

Every dream you dare

Every thought you hold

And words shaped upon your lips

Like countless kisses upon my own




I long to keep you

Like Dubai yearns for rain

A whispered prayer of mercy

A continued presence

A continued blessing




But the winds are blowing you away

And I'm the forlorn, the broken

Watching you drift into the unknown

The promise of melancholy

I breathe in mornings full of promise

Half formed dreams and drowsiness

Prayers whispered, heartfelt pleas



The melancholy within me

Rises up to drown me

Rip my fragile soul

Full of love and loss

Tattered and thread bare



I breathe in afternoons of dreariness

I laugh louder and clearer

I talk to fill up the silence

I whisper prayers

Keeping it all at bay



The melancholy swallows me

That infernal abyss

The misery that burns through

My veins, tightening my skin around me

I would crawl out of my being

Demented and deprived



I breathe in cool evenings

Feel its breath against my tears

I want more than I can bear to hold

I hold more than I can bear to keep

Stitched into silence and compliance



The melancholy whistles through me

Ice ripping through my being



I pray

I whisper

I sob

For this weak

Fragile heart

The strength

Of its love

Never ceases

To break me

And I do still

Want you

Desperately

Hopelessly

And past all time and cure

Dissillusioned

I don't know when

I don't know how

God help me

I dont even know what anymore.




Time is passing me by

Sand sifting through my fingers.

Dreams drifting faster than clouds thru a car window




The hunger inside me demands

And its more than my soul can take




I sooth her with prayers

I sooth her with platitudes

I tuck her in and bury the hope




Soon

Tomorrow

Someday

Peace




The lies i tell

I smother the screams

I muffle the sobs




The madness of maybes

I run towards

I run from

Always caught in between




Tomorrow is a new day

A new smile, sunshine

And smothered screams

Smothered dreams

Sand burning through my fingers

And unwritten words choking my throat




Peace

Someday

Tomorrow

Soon

Oh the lies i tell myself as I fall asleep

Let Them

I'm far too weary to hide
Behind well-pressed clothes
And careful make-up
I'm beyond caring
And it has nothing to do
With pride

Its just common sense
And a whole lot of sadness

So let them see this face of mine
More real than it will ever be
The world of misery, the history of regret
All mapped out for everyone to see

Let them see the baggage under my eyes
Because lipstick will never draw on smiles
As well as you do.

Blush won't add colors to my cheeks
Because I've been robbed of everything worthwhile

I've been robbed of you
I'm staggered, braced for your absence
And the yawning gaping darkness within me
Swallowing all the best of me

And what do I care what anyone thinks?
What do I care what they say?
Let them conclude their cruel conclusions
Let them snicker savagely, speak sadistically
With their oppressive opinions
Just let them be

It was always you I listened to, anyway

My bones are too heavy now
My spirit is spent and my soul is wrenched
But I will mend

Just not now

Soon

But until then
I'll lay my head
Even more unmasked
With all the questions
Stark, brutal, that remain unasked
Wrapping me in comfortable despair

Put not your arms around me

Put not your arms around me
Pressed up against you,
I may not let go
Nor would I want to
I'm not strong enough
Not when its you
I sink into so deeply
Into the familiar sanctuary
In the simplicity of the breaths
You take, inhale, exhale, inhale again
Real, blessedly real, though you masquerade
As a dream, the vision of my haunted mind
I become the glass in a window pane
Capturing the fog, tracing patterns
Upon me into dew drop snow flakes

Put not your arms around me
You vanish into sunlight
Dissipating into the wind
Beloved by the elements
And I can not follow
Consumed by you
Wrapped up in you
Loud permanent
In my thoughts
I'm too tempted
To sink
Drown
To be
devoured
Forget me
Erase me
And let
The world
Be damned

Do not seek to hold me
The road is long
The miles are endless
And I must roam farther
Than your eyes can see
I need to be set free
Of all restraints, constraints
To go along my own journey
One step after another
I'll get there in time
Though I'm never sure
Where "there" exactly is
But it calls to me
Just as loudly as you do
And I'll meander along
To the call of destiny
To the call of the words
I long to grasp, the ones I must write
One firm step, then another
And in the shivering of the night
I'll yearn for the haven of your embrace.

Too Beautiful

You sigh, heartfelt and weary
It's as if life is too heavy for you
To contemplate, fragile as you are
Like sensual butterfly wings

I'm always mesmerized by you
Your bluntness, your sweetness
The way you roll words around
Making them lush and intoxicating

You consume me.
Waking and sleeping
You consume me
Like a fire searing my soul
Leaving only you

Always you
And I stagger as words fail me
Nothing is ever enough

I'm bemused to silence around you
Memorizing your every trace
All that make you who you are
Because you are worth the wait
Worth the fight, worth everything!

My heart expanded to the very breadth
It can encompass with things I long to say
And still I stumble as words fail me

Mere poetry doesn't do you justice
And I, the poet, a hopeless fraud
Tongue-tied, clumsy in reverence

You are too beautiful for words.