Someone once asked me if I had a blog, what would I say? I can say anything and everything, but the problem is where to start?
For the past year, everything inside me has been shut down tight. I haven't been able to write poetry the way I used to. I haven't been able to write anything actually, and that loss has been just one loss among many. Writing has always been my friend. The one friend I could always count on, to know me, to heal me, to sooth me. It was my heaven and my hell, the place where I could set the devils and angels within me free. When I write, I am who I want to be. It’s the mirror that shows me my flaws and my virtues. It’s the friend who urges me on to be better than what I see in the mirror. To be stronger, to be wiser, to be kinder…
I don't know, but here's a place to put to words all the things I perceive in this world around me. A world I struggle to make sense of....
Besides wanting to write, another reason for doing this is that I'm dedicating it to Wild Adapter, my muse lol…so Wildy, darling I know you have your laptop locked up tight and your hitting the books bs inshalla owal ma t5al9een il exams w yfrejoon 3nch t7a9leen this…and Babe this entry is dedicated to you
My current favorite writers are David Levithan and Natalie Goldberg, two writers who write with unbelievable honesty. They write about the world we live in now and everything familiar, yet in between the mundane things like drinking water or taking a bath there are the rush of deep profound thoughts that touch the soul. I want to write like that. I don't know if I'm brave enough to open up that much though, but I highly recommend The Realm of Possibility by David Levithan and Long Quite Highway by Natalie Goldberg. I believe they make the writers within us yearn to break free.
I have never understood how some people can tell themselves that they don't have talents in writing or drawing or those who say we can't change. I think that we limit ourselves when we tell ourselves things like that. Maybe we are our own biggest enemies and every negative thing we tell ourselves we eventually make happen, a kind of self-prophecy that we ultimately fulfill. It has taken me a long time to learn that and it still takes a lot of self reflection to stop negative thoughts before they form or to change the thought into something positive. I struggle to live my life with a purpose nowadays, to fill my life with good friends who bring out the best in me, and oh yeah god bless cousins who taught me the value of unconditional love. Life hits us hard, but it's important not to let it depress us or bring out the worst in us. Just take the moments as they come, good or bad. If it's good, hold on to it and keep it close to your heart because it will get you through the bad. The purpose of the dark, the evil, the scary is to make us appreciate the light, the good, the safe. Life is vast and full of endless mind blowing possibilities. We lock ourselves in our shells, in dark corners and refuse to step out of them and see what else is out there. I refuse to live that way anymore. I refuse to be caged in any way, shape or form, and I will be the best that I can be. No more floating through life aimlessly….
If there is one thing I hang to that gets me through the night. I ain't going to do or die or want to. I'm going to live my life shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice, standing on a ledge and showing the wind how to fly and when the world gets in my face, have a nice day – Bon Jovi "Have a Nice Day"
So who am I now… who do you want me to be…I can't forgive you, but I won't relive you. I ain't the same scared kid I used to be. I'm going to live. I'm going to survive. Don't want the world to pass me by... I'm going to dream. I ain't going to die thinking my life was just a lie…I want to be loved. I want to be loved. Bon Jovi "I want to be loved"
The man I listen to when I want answers….7lailek ya Bon Jovi
Anyway while I'm still bubbling with so much to say, I best be running off before I bore you my new readers with my nonstop ramblings…so this rambler is signing off.