Over the past couple of years I have been frantically reevaluating and dissecting my definition on the subject of friendship. A certain cousin's reentry in my life has managed to put things in amazing perspective for me. I guess it made me realize that however bad things get, however depressed you feel or how frustrated everything happens for a reason. When you think to yourself that whatever happens, there's a plan and everything is predestined it lifts a weight off your shoulders. When you think to yourself that even that bump in the road that throws your rollercoaster off course is still on course…and that even if you don't know where you will end up. You just know that somehow you will end up where you're supposed to. You will always be taken care off. There's a beautiful comfort in that.
At your loneliest hour, in your most betrayed moments, when you lose someone you thought better off, God's gifts show in completely unexpected ways. A long lost friend reconnects with you and the thrill of it gives you a boost. You read a line in a book that inspires you or someone says something to you that returns your faith in immeasurable ways. There's always a moment, a single moment that reminds you of the goodness of people, kindness, support….To quote Blanche from A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams "I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." I need to remember that one. I tend to forget that strangers can be kind, too, being a bit of paranoid sometimes. Well, cautious is a better word. I'm cautious when it comes to new people…*narrows her eyes in thought* Okay Be Open to Meeting New People, note to self, especially since you never know when someone might make your life worthwhile.
Every friend who comes into your life ends up fulfilling a purpose, enriching your life in profound ways. There is the mentor who imparts his wisdom, experience and you look up to them for giving you answers you've been searching for. He might also be muddling though on his way to finding the answers, but hey no one really knows everything. Among the first lessons we learn that we really don't know anything. We all just try to do our best and not fail our friends. That friend is the one who opens up vast schools of thoughts for you and helps you transition on your way to adulthood and it's for that friend you want to prove you are worthy of their attention and mentoring. You struggle to be the person they believe you are and surpass their expectations of you.
There is that friend who ultimately challenges you every step of the way. The one who makes you scream and want to pull out your hair and is responsible for aging you years too early. That friend who is always in dire need of rescuing and protecting and desperate need of guidance, but you stick it through because you see a little bit of yourself in them. You end up loving them more than anything in the world, because their more like them than you. They are the child you take care off, but they end up teaching you more about the world through your shared experiences. You watch that person grow up and reach their potential, and find yourself ten times more of the person you though you were because of them.
There's that special friendship that goes way back and has survived pitfalls. They are the soul twin who speak your mind just as your about to utter your thoughts. The person who understands you so well and just reads every look you have in your eyes. What's rewarding that you can read them just as well. You can read their silences, their faraway looks, and every mood. The people like that in my life are my cousins, who even if they are not involved or have their distant moments…during the times that we come together there is a lot of trust and tons and tons of unconditional love. You can be yourself and be completely accepted….and every time you're around these people you feel so blessed. You never lose these people no matter what happens. They are always there.
There is also that friend who motivates you, inspires you, and always makes you think. The one who knows all the right things to say and always brings up new thoughts for you to ponder…That friend whose young in years but has the wisdom of the ages.
I don't know if that’s specific to everyone. A certain critic will tell me I'm generalizing and hypothesizing with no real basis, but hey it's specific to me. My point is that every person who ever walks into your life comes with a purpose and when their role in your life is done, they leave…sometimes to come back at a later time to fulfill a different purpose. Every person who has ever meant something to you, you carry inside you. They leave their footsteps behind and you can inherit some of their attitudes, ideas, and thoughts without even realizing it.
In her book "Soul Mates, understanding the true gifts of intense encounters", Sue Mins says "A soul mate is absolutely anyone with who you have an intense connection. That connection is created by the magnetic quality of your soul, which draws you towards this person in order for you to take a long hard look—not at them but at yourself. These mates have been around for ages and will continue to poke you at the ribs until you have woken up. They will continue to rub you the wrong way until your heart is polished and the light of love shines out of you"
She also says that "We have to go off into our own individual wildernesses, not holding the thought of reunion, but of making it on our own. We must become 'whole' away from the security and safety of our soul family. It is the journey itself that is so important. Perhaps we would have led our many lives in a different way if we had known of this inevitable. The purpose of relationship is to encounter and experience the nature of our personal limitations."
The book shines light on intense relationships and the connections we make in our life. It talks a lot about past lives which don't fall into my beliefs although I find the idea of meeting the same person over and over in different life times with different faces absolutely romantic. But it does sum up a lot of my ideas on the subject.
Funny how you read something a year ago, but you read it again and the words just make more sense to you. Things just click and make more sense as the years pass and we are always learning, always trying to find the answers…and it makes you feel alive.
So a special shout out to all the people who have made my life bearable over the past year….
Wildy: My poet, my muse, mabroook mabrook a5eeran iftakaiti from ur exams. Go wild, go crazy..next semester ma7ad bay7a9eltch w batet5agigain 3alaina but I promise to flood ur email with literature, emails, ramblings and to do everything in my power to keep you completely connected…
SaS: You have brought back tons and tons of irrepressible laughter into my life. You have given me weekends to look forward to again, and pizza movies lol and it's nice to have the first real soul twin I ever knew to grace my life again. I'm grateful.
Noora: I love you, baby sister…You know all there is to say. You've heard it all a thousand times. Thanks for being so patient when I'm philosophizing, rambling, and generally boring you to tears.
Lolaty: You’re the quiet cousin who thinks deeply about things and reminds me again and again why I absolutely adore you. You're the youngest of us, but you certainly do not need taking care off. You know exactly how to deal with every situation and come out conquering and I'm proud of you. I know that I can always count on you.
Mayoola: You’re my gentle fragile butterfly of a cousin and if it were up to me, I'd put you in a diamond gilded jar and hide you away from the world. Keep you safe from insensitive creatures who wanna pull out your wings…
Ayesha: No matter how distant you are, I know I have your support. Thanks
There are more people I could mention, but if I go on I would never stop…you know how us ramblers like to keep on rambling….so this rambler is signing off.