Friday, August 20, 2010

I should have

Inspired by Daughtry's Life After you

Regrets are the bitter swill burning the back of my throat
As I trace your outline beside me, around me
Next to me…Always wrapped around me
When I laid my head down at night, it was to your voice
The silent sorrows of the day soaking your chest
As I sobbed over the treacheries that crushed my heart
All I can think about now is that I should have…

I should have
I could have
I would have
Loved you more
Than I did
More than I so hesitantly hid

Spaces have opened up beside me
Drafts chilling my bones
Reminding me of the crushing loneliness
That I'm ever without you
Always missing you beside me
And I still trace your outline
In my heart, next to me
And on the sheets and pillows
I clutch at the imaginary figure of you
Willing your nearness into it
Wishing for you on every flickering street light

I should have
I could have
I would have
Adored you more
Than I did..
More than I so fearfully hid

I always underestimated what I felt
Always too hard on you, too harsh
Always played it down, bundled it up deep
So no one, especially not me could see
Just how weak I am
When it comes to you
I tempered my heart
Denying so much
And I am ever so fragile
Trembling with love
I just didn’t know how much
Until you weren't there anymore
I didn't know how tall I stood
Until I realized that all this time
It was because I leaned on you so much

What difference could these words have made?
My pen was always too shy to love you like you deserved
And I'm such a poor excuse for a poet
I should have screamed how much I love you
Shouted it from the roof tops
I should have painstakingly written everything
I was ever afraid to tell you on you on your skin
Tattooed it with my fervent honesty
I didn't tell you enough that I adored the gentleness in your eyes
Or that you're the most beautiful man I've ever held in my arms
That if it made any difference, I would tell you
That I'm hopelessly, endlessly in love with you
And if I had a choice for a life full of laughter
I'd live it with you and forever after
Because I do know that there is no life after you

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