Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Irreplaceable

"Some people are just irreplaceable and we have to live forever with the feeling that something is missing and make the best of it" he said solemnly and I held my tongue as he made excuses about being late for university.

"I'll call you later" he promised and it was an empty promise. I knew he wouldn't call me for the next couple of days.

I watched his retreating back getting smaller as he hurried away. For one second, I was tempted to run after him, wrap my arms around his waist and hold him tight. I wanted to bury my face in the scent that used to intoxicate me. Where did the boy I fell in love with so long ago disappear to? This wasn't the Chris I remember. The boy I knew had melted chocolate for eyes. I cupped his face close to me and cheerfully drowned in those eyes. Nothing in this world felt as warm as gazing into those eyes. He used to strut about, confident in his looks and give me the cockiest smile. I didn't recognize the man who stood in front of me a few minutes ago. He gained weight. His eyes were hollowed and there was no melted chocolate in them anymore. He was drained of everything I held dear in him. He walked dejectedly now, slower, more cautious.

I wanted to hurl something at that stubborn head of his. Maybe knock some sense in him. "If she really loved you" I wanted to scream at him, "then why the hell isn't she here? Go on! Tell me, how can she love you that much and not be here with you?"

If life were a movie, I would have gone ahead and screamed that sentence back in reply. He would turn and look at me in amazement. I would stand there as the camera zoomed to capture me trembling in agitation with my chin raised in defiance. My cheeks would be flushed and my lips parted just so. I would take a deep breath and look the other way with a single tear midway down my cheek. I would walk away deliberately and the camera would go back to his stunned face. Somehow you would know that at the end of the movie, he would be the one trying to win me back.

But life wasn't a movie and I know that even if my words were truth itself, he wouldn't believe me. Worse, he would never forgive me so I didn't say anything. I turned and walked the other way, before he felt my wrathful gaze shooting laser beams against his back. All day, his words hounded me like rabid dogs barking at my ankles.

3 comments:

Dazzling Mage said...

Girl, if you gave me this to read it personally, right in front of you, I'd hug you right now. I love the movie wishful thinking at the end. Love it.

AbdulAziz Mohammed said...

As usual Shahad a great post. U know what's amazing abt ur words, the reader imagine the story, ppl..2tc loved it.

Kitten said...

Loving the details :) - it's Maryam.